Why New Year’s Resolutions Can Be So Hard – And How to Make Them Work for You

As the New Year rolls around, many people find themselves swept up in the excitement of setting resolutions. It’s a tradition to reflect on the past year and dream about what we want to achieve in the next 12 months. From committing to healthier habits to learning new skills, New Year’s resolutions often promise a fresh start. Yet, research shows that the vast majority of people struggle to stick with them. Why is that? And how can we create resolutions that are not only more achievable but also more meaningful?

The Struggle with New Year’s Resolutions

We’ve all been there: the excitement of a new year brings a flood of motivation. We vow to exercise more, eat better, quit bad habits, or reach major milestones. But somewhere along the way, those intentions often fade. By February, gym memberships go unused, diets are forgotten, and goals that seemed so important now feel distant or even impossible. Why do resolutions fail so often?

The problem lies in how we approach them. Many resolutions are rooted in the desire to change something fundamental about ourselves, often with a focus on fixing perceived flaws. It’s common to see goals like “lose 30 pounds,” “be more productive,” or “become more organized.” These resolutions, while well-meaning, often focus on external achievements and overlook the deeper psychological aspect of change—our internal relationship with ourselves.

When we set goals that are centered around self-improvement, but at the expense of our self-worth, we’re setting ourselves up for frustration. If we frame resolutions with an underlying message of "I’m not good enough as I am," we begin from a place of deficiency rather than potential. It becomes harder to maintain motivation when the goal is based on self-criticism.

Shifting the Focus: From Change to Growth

So, what if we shifted our New Year’s resolutions away from fixing ourselves and instead focused on growing into the person we want to become? Instead of “I need to change my bad habits,” we can focus on “I want to cultivate more self-compassion,” or “I want to develop a deeper sense of peace with who I am right now.”

The key here is that growth doesn’t mean fixing flaws or becoming someone entirely different. It’s about nurturing our strengths, developing new perspectives, and embracing the journey of becoming more connected with ourselves. For example, rather than making a goal to "lose weight," you might make a resolution to “tune into my body’s needs and honor its signals,” or "practice self-compassion with my body daily."

Using SMART Goals to Make Resolutions Achievable

One of the reasons New Year’s resolutions fail is because they are often vague, overwhelming, or unrealistic. That’s where the SMART goal framework can make a big difference. SMART goals are:

• Specific: Clearly define what you want to achieve.

• Measurable: Establish how you will track progress.

• Achievable: Make sure the goal is realistic given your current circumstances.

• Relevant: Ensure the goal aligns with your values and long-term aspirations.

• Time-bound: Set a reasonable deadline to accomplish the goal.

This framework can help transform abstract resolutions into tangible actions. Instead of making an all-encompassing, daunting resolution like “be healthier,” you might set a SMART goal like “I will walk for 30 minutes three times a week for the next month.” This goal is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound, making it much easier to stay on track.

Breaking Down Big Goals into Manageable Steps

A common pitfall in New Year’s resolutions is trying to tackle too much at once. Big, sweeping goals can feel overwhelming, leading to burnout and discouragement. One of the best ways to set yourself up for success is to break larger goals down into smaller, more manageable tasks.

For example, if your goal is to improve your mental health, start with small, consistent actions rather than trying to overhaul your entire mindset in a week. A good first step might be “I will practice one minute of deep breathing every morning” or “I will write down one thing I appreciate about myself every day.” As you continue to build momentum with these smaller actions, your confidence and sense of accomplishment will grow, making it easier to tackle more challenging goals over time.

Self-Compassion and Therapy: Essential Tools for Achieving Your Goals

One of the most important ingredients for achieving any goal is self-compassion. It’s easy to get discouraged when things don’t go as planned, but showing yourself kindness in moments of setback is crucial. Instead of beating yourself up over missed goals, approach yourself with the same empathy you would offer a friend. This mindset helps you stay motivated and resilient, even when things don’t go perfectly.

If you’re finding it particularly challenging to create or stick to your resolutions, therapy can be an invaluable tool. Counsellors can help you unpack underlying emotional barriers that might be sabotaging your efforts, such as negative self-talk or perfectionism. They can also guide you in setting realistic, sustainable goals that honor both your well-being and your aspirations.

Working with a therapist can also help you develop skills like mindfulness, self-compassion, and emotional regulation—all of which can enhance your ability to stay focused and motivated throughout the year. Plus, having a professional to support you can keep you accountable in a healthy, non-judgmental way.

Make Your New Year’s Resolutions Work for You

If you’re ready to make lasting changes in your life, consider reframing your New Year’s resolutions around self-compassion and growth, rather than self-criticism and perfection. Use the SMART goal framework to break down your larger aspirations into achievable steps and remember that it's okay to take things one small action at a time.

And if you’re finding it tough to get started or stay on track, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for guidance and support. Therapy can help you set realistic goals, overcome obstacles, and build a mindset that supports long-term success.

Start the New Year with self-compassion and growth. Book a therapy session with one of our counsellors today, and take the first step toward a more fulfilling, balanced life. We can’t wait to help you achieve your goals and be the best version of you. See you soon!